


Christmas Midnight Memories

by orphan_account



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Christmas Fluff, M/M, nah - just fluff really, touch of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-12 03:48:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9053998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: secret santa for @robertjacobsuggersRobert just wants to make sure Aaron is happy but what if that means Aaron has to forget he ever existed.





	

It was Christmas Eve. Aaron had everything he could have ever hoped for. He had his sister back; so what if she was a handful? He could hack it, and it was worth it to see her cheeks flushed and a smile light up her eyes whenever she let her guard down. He had his Mum. And Adam. And Paddy, too. Well OK, they’d had a bit of a rough patch with his daft nonsense messing up over Rhona, but they were all right now, weren’t they? It had been the most grueling year of his life, but he’d got through it, coming out of it stronger and more secure than he could remember ever being in life before. And now he had The Mill for him and Liv, a little home of their own. Yeah, there was a lot to celebrate this Christmas.

So why did he have the feeling something was missing? Something with his heart. A hollow emptiness where he should feel joy and contentment at last. He raised his hand to his chest, then found himself looking at his fingers. It was … strange.

It was his Mum who noticed, seeing the distant look in his eyes when he thought no one was looking.

‘Let it go, love, it’s time to let it all go. Liv’s happy. I’m happy. Let yourself be happy, too.’

He gave a small smile, breathing out, letting his shoulders relax, and saw her wrinkle her nose back at him.

‘That’s more like it,’ she said. But when she turned away, his hand was back over his heart again. Had he forgotten something?

_Mince pies!_

His Mum had told him to get mince pies, hadn’t she? But she didn’t even like mince pies.

* * *

Now Diane was over for lunch. Vic was there too. Well, technically she was on a shift in the kitchen now the Christmas rush was on. Aaron sat on the sofa with his feet up on the coffee table, flipping the pages of a magazine spread over his lap, enjoying being a guest in their conversation.

His Mum had steered the conversation to her current favorite topic which was getting staff for Christmas to cover the opening times.

‘Nobody wants to work these days!’ She complained.

‘Well I’m doing a double shift, and I’m here for the lunch shift tomorrow. Adam’s not too impressed, I can tell you that!’ Vic objected.

‘I know love, nothing personal, but I wish that other folk had the same work ethic, I really do. Y’know, for the first time I seriously considered closing up all together for the holiday.’

Diane looked shocked.

‘Chas, you can’t do that! You’ll always get people who are alone at Christmas. That’s what pubs were all about at this time of year, in the old days. Somewhere to go for the lonely. To have a knees-up and feel some human warmth, to belong. Even if you’re on your own for the rest of the year, you have to have people around you at Christmas.’

Aaron looked up from his magazine. His Mum had been right, he thought, he needed to start appreciating all he had. He wasn’t alone. But then, he bit his lip, what was this feeling inside? Was he lonely? If that was it, maybe he should do something about it. He’d promised his mum to help out behind the bar. Perhaps tonight he could let himself live a little.

* * *

‘Sorry chuck, you can’t stay here all night. We’re closing up. You must have somewhere to be? Family? Mates? A party? It’s Christmas Eve.’ Tracy was dressed in a shiny red Santa dress with wool trimming, silver antenna topped with stars over her plaited blonde hair.

‘I’m not sure he can even walk.’  Finn observed with a frown, looking at the almost empty bottle of Prosecco and the half-eaten bowl of olives in front of the stranger in the café.

‘How sad it that though, drinking alone at Christmas time?’ Carly observed, straightening the coquettish Santa hat she was wearing. ‘And you wouldn’t think he’d be lacking for company, I mean he’s … well you know… buff.’

‘Yeah, he is…,’ Finn agreed. ‘Not that he’s my type, of course.’ He added, seeing Kasim look at him sharply.

Robert looked up at them all with a frown, raising his glass with a swaying hand.

‘Sssscrew what the world thinks!’

Carly put on the firm but gentle voice she used with April.

‘Alright, mate, we can do that. But Tracy here, she needs to close up, so you can’t stay here. You need to go… well, wherever it is you’re going.’

Robert pouted.

‘…don’t know where I’m going.’ He ran a hand through his hair. ‘You peasants just run along...’m fine here. I’ll do what I please. Jus’ give me another bottle of ….’ he squinted ‘something better quality than the shit I just had.’

Finn pressed his lips together and folded his arms.

‘We’d better take him with us, then.’

‘Why?’ Kasim asked, narrowing his eyes again at his boyfriend.

‘Because it’s Christmas,’ Finn said, taking charge, ‘and Vic can make him a good black bitter coffee when we get there to suit his mood.’ He looked at his friends. ‘Any better suggestions? No? Right then.’

It was Carly who helped him walk to the Woolpack, pulling his arm over her shoulder, steering him gently out of the door and down the street.

‘Don’t you have someone special, then? A girlfriend? Wife?’

‘A fianc _é.’_ Robert blinked. _But I let him go._

It had all been going so well, and they’d been happy, hadn’t they? Robert had been happy, the happiest he’d ever been. Until he’d started to notice signs that Aaron was struggling, that maybe Aaron wasn’t as happy as he was. To be honest he knew he wasn’t always the best at noticing stuff. He thought he knew Aaron so well, but he’d started to see that something was up, Aaron, biting his lip, a faraway look in his eyes.

‘All I want is to make Aaron happy.’

He’d gone to see Paddy to ask if he would be there at the wedding, to give Aaron away. He was trying to work out what might be on Aaron’s mind. Maybe repairing the relationship with Paddy would cheer him up.

But Paddy obviously had different ideas.

‘You? Aaron happy? You’re joking, aren’t you? You’re the last person on earth who could do that. And it’ll be me, picking up the pieces.’

‘I love him.’

‘That might or might not be true. For now. But the only reason Aaron is with you, is because you pushed him into it, you just wouldn’t let it go, right from the start. Do you honestly think if the two of you had just met as strangers in different circumstances, he’d have even looked at you? He’d never have chosen a man like you, and you never gave him that chance.’

And then he’d overheard Moira, sad drunk again, talking to Chas.

‘Look at him. Isn’t he supposed to be over the moon if he’s getting married soon? He doesn’t look like it. If you ask me, Robert’s pushed him into something he doesn’t really want. And you know what Robert’s like, so egotistical, the whole world always has to revolve around him.’

Finally, he’d come home only to walk in on a conversation between Aaron and Adam in the back room at the Woolpack. They were having a brew, and they hadn’t noticed him arrive. When he’d heard their low earnest voices, he’d hesitated behind the half open door. He could hear the tension in Aaron’s voice.

‘And I don’t think he’s even thought about it, you know?’

‘Come here bro.’ Adam had pulled Aaron into a hug. ‘Let’s face it, and Vic would be the first one to admit it, Rob’s never been the most sensitive of souls. Sometimes you have to hit him over the head with something before he actually notices it. Just tell him.’

Robert had left quickly then, climbing into his car, closing the door. He let his head fall back against the seat rest, exhaling deeply.

So it was true. He’d pushed Aaron into everything, and now Aaron was suffering.

‘I just wish Aaron could be happy. That’s all I want for Christmas. He’s everything to me.’ He said aloud. Then all at once there was a sudden surge, all the lights went off in the village, the houses, the pub, the Christmas fairy lights on the trees down Main Street, and he was sat in darkness, wondering what had happened.

The passenger door opened suddenly.

‘Excuse me, this is my car.’ He said. ‘You can find your own way out.’

‘You just made a Christmas wish. And I’m one of Santa’s helpers, here to make it come true.’

‘How’s that then?’ Robert blinked, wondering if he was dreaming.

‘If you really want Aaron to be happy, I can make it happen. But it won’t be easy. There’s a price to pay.’

‘Anything. He’s, he’s everything. Nothing else matters.’

‘Then there’s only one thing to do. Aaron has to forget you ever existed, and everyone else will forget too. Nothing else will change. It’ll just be as it was, except your part. Of course, you’ll remember. But no one else. Is that what you want? Are you willing to give Aaron up to see him happy?’

Robert looked ahead of him seeing nothing. It scared him, being alone. A future without Aaron. He couldn’t see that. And yet, was he really willing to sacrifice the happiness of the one person he’d ever truly loved, just because he was selfish, egotistical? He would die for him. There was nothing he wouldn’t do. Even if it meant this. If you love someone, set them free; wasn’t that the way the song went?

‘If that’s what it takes.’ He said. ‘If there’s no other way…’

He knew when it had happened, because suddenly his hand felt strange and looking down, the ring had gone, and the whole world turned to black, then all at once the lights were back on again, and life returned to normal, except for him. Life would never be the same again.

 

So now he was walking into the Woolpack, well, staggering into the Woolpack, and about to see Aaron for what would probably be the very last time. He hadn’t planned to come at all.

***

Aaron glanced up as soon as he entered the pub, still balancing on Carly’s arm, and then rapidly lowered his eyes again.

‘Oi, you’re spilling my pint.’ The punter he was serving at the bar complained.

‘Sorry, mate.’ Aaron topped up the drink that he’d inadvertently spilt over the bar, shaking a head at himself. It was rare that he got that instant attraction thing, but right now he felt like a teenager again. He wanted another look and took a surreptitious shifter in his direction, only to lower his eyes again when he realized the bloke was looking straight at back him.

‘Who’s your mate?’ he asked Finn when he approached the bar, trying to keep his voice casual.

‘Dunno, some saddo, all alone at Christmas. He was getting out of it on Prosecco at the café, which is a bit odd, if you think about it. Carly seems to think he’s just had a break up with a fiancée.’

‘Right.’

So, he was straight. It wasn’t that he could claim to be disappointed, I mean he wouldn’t have waltzed over and chatted him up even if he was gay, but it was just, keeping the magic alive. There wasn’t a lot of point in wasting mental energy on something that would only ever happen in your head.

Finn leaned closer.

‘Don’t let Kasim hear, but he is a bit of eye candy for Christmas, though, wouldn’t you agree?’

‘You like him, then?’

‘Frankly, who wouldn’t?’

His eyes drifted over to where the stranger was sitting again, and this time, their eyes met and suddenly Aaron was forced to look away.

What was that? His heart suddenly popped in his chest like a Christmas cracker. Finn might have said he was straight, but he wasn’t so sure after all.

‘Can you ask Vic to make him one of her special coffee’s?’ Finn added. ‘I think he needs it.’

* * *

Coming to the pub, just one look at Aaron, well, it had been enough to sober him up. But now Aaron was weaving his way towards him carrying a tray with coffee, navigating the tables with his trim body dressed in a tight black sweater and skinny jeans, and he could feel his pulse race, just like it always did. He held his breath.

‘Err, I think this is for you, mate.’ Aaron said with a slight nod of the head, his eyes blinking as he leaned down to put the coffee on the table in front of him.

Robert squinted up at him.

‘Ta very much.’ He cast about for something more to say, wanting to keep him close. He couldn’t think of anything and felt his heart sinking.

‘Merry Christmas.’ They both said it together and then laughed. Robert looked up at him again, eyebrows raised. He fished in his pocket, pulling out a five-pound note.

‘Let me buy you a drink? What are you having, a pint?’

Aaron wrinkled his nose.

‘Nah mate, you’re alright. It’s going to be a long evening, best if I stay sober.’ He started walking away.

‘Later then?’

He saw Aaron smile.

‘Maybe.’ He called back after him with a wink and a slight incline of the head. And Robert breathed again, smiling too. Aaron was flirting. That was actually about as flirty as he got, he reflected. But he was flirting with _him_.  And he liked it. And if he was flirting, it meant he was happy. And that was all Robert had ever wanted.

Aaron ducked quickly into the back corridor, where he could watch the new stranger unseen. He wanted to take a proper long look. The way he’d looked at him unblinkingly with those green-blue eyes.

‘Gotcha!’

He jumped suddenly. It was Vic, who’d come up behind him.

‘What are you doing, you look suspiciously… chirpy?’

Aaron drew in his chin.

‘You’re never chirpy.’ She accused. ‘What’s going on?’

Aaron pointed his finger back in the direction of the bar.

‘I was, err, just going back.’

She followed the direction of his finger.

‘Were you eyeing someone up? You were, weren’t you? Go on then, who is it?’

Aaron rolled his eyes. And then sighed.

‘Alright then, you see that bloke on his own, in the leather jacket.’

‘The one with the nose ring and the mermaid tattoo?’

Aaron turned to look at her. ‘Wha…?’  he turned back, rolling his finger, palm open, ‘The blonde, behind him.’

‘Ohhh! Right! Very suave. Very handsome. I didn’t know that was your type, but... go for it then!’ She frowned. ‘Is he gay?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Do you want me to ask him?’

‘No! God! That would be…’

But Vic had already headed out into the bar.

* * *

Robert stood up rapidly, panicking as he saw his sister making her way towards him. But the pub was too crowded now to make an elegant escape and he still was a little wobbly, so he sat down again hastily resigning himself to his fate.

She approached his table and picked up the empty coffee cup, then gave him a friendly smile.

‘Hope you enjoyed the coffee. I made it, actually. Err, haven’t seen you in these parts before. Visiting for Christmas?’

Robert nodded nervously, not knowing what to say.

‘Relatives perhaps? Or … girlfriend? Boyfriend?’

He frowned up at her. He knew his sister well enough to know when she was fishing.

‘Just passing through.’ He volunteered.

‘Right. Not stopping then?’

He shook his head. All at once the reality hitting him. That he would be leaving soon. That he had given up everything and it would be just like it was when he was nineteen and outcast, all over again.

‘So.’ She put the cup down and raised both hands, palms touching in front of her lips. ‘Are you gay, then?’

Robert opened his mouth, then closed it again.

‘No.’ He said eventually.

‘Oh!’ Victoria glanced back at Aaron, back behind the bar now, and he saw the wistful expression in her eyes.

‘I’m - I’m bi, actually, bisexual.’

‘Greeaaaaat! As long as you're… well... I mean, that’s good then, isn’t it? It’s been nice chatting,’ and she picked up the coffee and was gone, leaving Robert shaking his head after her.

 

He should go really. In his heart of hearts, he knew it was time. A hundred times he saw himself, standing up, making his way to the door, taking one last look back at Aaron, still chatting cheerfully behind the bar, and then letting go. Letting go of it all, forever. But he stayed where he was, watching the tilt of his body, the way he fidgeted with his hands, each flickering expression in his eyes, the small movements of his mouth that he knew so well, giving away what he was thinking, what he was feeling. Every now and then Aaron would raise his eyes and look over, and each time Robert would quickly lower his eyes, or look away. He didn’t want to freak him out. He didn’t want to spoil his evening.

Finn, with a good heart, had bought him an orange juice, and tried to strike up a conversation, mainly out of politeness. But when Robert had answered monosyllabically he’d left him alone, much to his relief.

* * *

The crowd in the pub thinned and now it was left to the regulars and locals of the village. Aaron was just about to go on a break. And he’d made a decision. He would see if the offer of a drink was still on the cards, maybe sit down with this bloke, see where it went. He was lonely after all. They both were, and since he’d been in the pub, he had this feeling, like, maybe he didn’t need to be so lonely after all.

And then Adam walked in.

‘Bro! Pour us a pint and come and sit with me while the missus finishes up in the kitchen, yeah?’

Aaron swallowed. So, that was that.

 

A little while later, with a ring of the bell, Chas announced the Christmas pub quiz. Frank raised his microphone, asking teams to get themselves assembled.

‘Come on, bro. We’ll smash this.’ Adam suggested. Aaron wasn’t sure. From the corner of his eyes he saw the stranger making his way to the bar, sitting himself down on one of the bar stools, ordering himself a pint.

‘Go on, then.’ He smiled at Aaron encouragingly. ‘You’ll be great. I know it! And maybe now’s a good time to get you that drink I promised, and one for your mate, too.’

‘Wow, cheers man!’ Adam said.

When the quiz began, they answered the questions, doing alright, while Robert looked on quietly sipping his pint, and unobtrusively giving the odd hint to an answer now and then. By the time the questions were over, they found themselves in a tie break with two other couples, Bob and Brenda, and Finn and Kasim.

‘Right, now the questions get interesting. Cos were going to play one of those couple’s games, you know. Like the ones of TV.’ Frank announced.

Aaron stretched his eyes.

‘Nah, don’t worry, mate, we can do this!’ Adam reassured him.

‘So there are three knock out questions to find out the winner. And you need to choose which one of you is guessing about who.’ Frank explained.

Adam and Aaron looked at each other.

‘I know you inside out, bro.’ Adam said quietly. ‘I’ll guess. You just write down the answer. We got this, yeah?’

They waited for the first question. Robert moved up closer to Adam.

‘And here it goes. First question. What’s your favorite flavor of ice cream?’

Aaron wrote something down. Robert saw Adam roll his eyes.

‘Mate. How the hell…?’

‘It’s plain enough.’ Aaron smiled.

‘Ok, so chocolate min..’

‘Vanilla.’ Robert nudged him. Adam turned to him.

‘Sorry but … we don’t know you so…’

‘Vanilla!’ Robert repeated quietly, a hand resting round his pint glass. _But not in bed_

Aaron showed his card. _Vanilla_ , he’d written, and Adam raised a fist as they scored a point. 

All three couples were through. Finn and Kasim pleased with each other for getting it right, even after knowing each other such a short time.

‘It’s a sign.’ Finn said to Tracy, who patted his arm in encouragement.

‘Second question. Are you ready for this? Ladies and gents? Which side of the bed does he or she prefer to sleep on?’

Adam objected. ‘Come on Frank! This is rigged. How am I…’

‘Just guess.’ Aaron winked. ‘Guess!’

Finn meanwhile was dying inside.

Adam started to write, but Robert put his hand gently on his wrist. ‘Right side,’ he murmured.

‘Look…’ Adam objected.

‘You look,’ Robert hissed through his teeth, ‘Why would he wink at you? He’s giving you a clue!’ Sometimes he really wondered about his brother in law.

Adam scored through what he’d already written, changing it to _right_.

Robert looked at Aaron’s face adoringly when he saw him grin at having got another question right, then quickly looked away.

Finn and Kasim were out and now everything depended on the final question.

‘Favorite sports personality.’ Frank announced and Adam breathed a sigh of relief.

‘This is it, bro! We’ve killed it, man!’

He wrote down the name of a popular footballer, Fernando Torres, but Robert frowned.

‘No, the boxer. Amir Khan,’ He muttered.

Adam looked at him. ’You sure about that because…’  But he changed his answer anyway. After all, this bloke had been right so far.

Aaron held up his card. Robert read it and closed his eyes. _Fernando Torres_. Bob and Brenda had won. Adam slumped in disappointment.

But Aaron was looking at Robert, his face confused, his heart pounding.

‘How did you know?’

‘Know what?’

He stood rapidly and moved back to a table. Of course he knew, that Aaron had the hots for Amir Khan? But how could he explain that? It would be something he would always know, like a thousand other details that he would take away with him, when he left, soon. Very soon now.

***

It was a minute to midnight, Santa Baby on the juke box stopped mid chorus, and somebody turned the lights to low, so that the red and green and yellow of the fairy lights from the Christmas tree and behind the bar, twinkling on and off, reflected all around on the glasses at the tables, and the pictures on the walls, on the faces of the guests. It felt like magic. There was an expectant hush as Chas rang the bell. And then the countdown began, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

And all around the pub the couples shared a Christmas kiss, Fin and Kasim, David and Tracy, Vic and Adam, Leyla and Pete, everyone else, even Paddy leaned forward and dared to sneak a kiss from his Mum. Aaron kept his arms folded and his eyes lowered watching them all, and then he saw him, walking quietly towards the door. So he stepped forward, heart thumping again, because it was Christmas and because he’d told himself he would.

He raised a hand to his arm, touching him gently, and looked at him shyly from half lowered eyes.

‘Hey! Wait. Where are you going?’ he asked softly.

‘Don’t know. Why are you asking?’ The blonde stranger asked back, searching his face.

‘Because of this.’

Raising himself on his toes, he moved his hands to the stranger’s collar, and raised his mouth. He could see his lips part, his eyes blinking back at him, full of hesitation, and something more, a longing that he felt too. Two lonely souls on Christmas Eve.

He swallowed, moving slowly closer.

And then their lips met.

Gently at first, just brushing tentatively over each other, nervous, unsure, then with slightly more pressure, and Aaron’s heart was racing even faster at the softness of his mouth, the sweetness of his lips. He needed more, so feeling bold, he deepened the kiss, opening his mouth with his own, and all at once he felt hands against his face and reaching up he placed his own hand on the back of the stranger’s neck and let his fingers tangle in his hair, caught in the magic.

‘Honestly, you two. Get a room!’ Somebody turned the lights on again, and Santa Baby resumed from the chorus.

_‘A ring, and I don’t mean on the phone…’_

They broke apart suddenly, smiling like idiots. It was Liv, back from her party with Gabby.

‘Can’t I kiss my fiancé on Christmas Eve?’ Aaron laughed at her, his hands still holding on to the front of Robert’s sweater.

‘Not in public, not like that anyway! It’s embarrassing.’ She grinned back and then winked at them both and carried on through to the kitchen.

He looked back at Robert and saw he had a strange expression on his face.

‘You alright?’ he asked, suddenly concerned. ‘You’re not ill, or summat?’

Robert lifted his hand with his own, looking at the engagement ring on his finger, on both their fingers.

‘No, I’ve just, I’ve never been better. ’

‘Good,’ Aaron answered gently, ‘because you know, don’t you?’

‘Know what?’

He didn’t usually ask, and they weren’t good at talking about these things, but they were getting better at it. They’d get better, a little bit more with passing time.

‘That I can’t do without you. That I need you. That Christmas, every day, well it’s only OK because of you ‘n’ me.’

But he had to ask what was on Aaron’s mind. Something had been up. What was it? He couldn’t let it go.

He saw Aaron blush.

‘Really, you want to talk about this now? Listen it’s just. We haven’t stopped, you know, using protection, and we’re engaged, and it just, it made me wonder, if you were really…, you know committed to this, I mean, cos if it’s just you and me, then I think we can start… you know, doing it…without. If that’s what you want, too.’

Robert blinked. He’d never even really thought about it. So, was that what the worry had been about? Aaron’s insecurities. He’d always wanted to let Aaron take the pace, not wanting to rush him, but now he realized that of course, this was something they should have done months before.

He kissed him again.

‘Of course, that’s what I want, too. Let’s make some new memories, starting tonight.’

 

On the stairs, Robert hesitated.

‘You did get the mince pies?’

‘What do you want them for anyway?’

‘For after, of course.’

‘After what?’

‘It’s a tradition, isn’t it? Mince pies for Santa. After he comes? He is coming, tonight, isn’t he?’

Aaron looked at him for a moment, narrowing his eyes, and Robert blinked back at him innocently. He decided to let it go.

Chas watched them go with a smile on her face. She’d never seen Aaron so happy. It was going to be the best Christmas ever. The best New Year ever, with a big gay wedding, and then next Christmas of course, and the next after that, and the next, and the next, and the next. They’ll have years, won’t they?


End file.
